In an exclusive conversation with Zoom, Samantha Ruth Prabhu explains how she has become calmer and she can say she is proud of herself.

Citadel Honey Bunny Star Samantha Ruth Prabhu Recalls Being ‘Insecure’: Was Filled With Self Doubt | Exclusive

In her fourteen year career, Samantha Ruth Prabhu has seen enough ups and downs to become an actress with immeasurable reservoirs of emotions and experience. These are brought into subtle and strong use in her role as a single mother coping with ruthless assassinations in Raj and DK’s Citadel: Honey Bunny. Samantha speaks to Zoom about what success means to her.

Are you happy, vindicated and relieved by all the acclaim coming your way for Honey?

Usually I’m the sort of person who does not dwell on success too much. I move on very quickly. I don’t like to dwell on it.

But why?

It gives me this feeling of becoming lazy and I don’t want to get lazy and relaxed in that feeling of success. I’d rather move on to the next challenge. But with this one, I’m taking my time to soak it all in. I think I mentioned this before, that just the fact that I was able to finish Citadel was a success for me already and today to get this kind of appreciation and where no one is really pointing out that she wasn’t convincing —–which I was really really scared of– that I wouldn’t be able to be convincing in my role.

Your stunts especially one hand-to-hand combat , are the best I’ve seen performed by a female actor in Indian cinema? How much preparation went into it?

I didn’t have the time to prep for it. I learned all my action on the set. I didn’t have time to prep for anything for this role, so I was really scared that I wouldn’t do justice to the role. But I think 90% of the comments have been positive. So this truly means a lot to me so.

Has your medical condition been completely cured?

Um, no I haven’t fully gone into remission but the episodes don’t happen too often. They are far apart from each other. So I think they’re like… before it was a lot more to deal with and now it is a lot easier and I know the triggers. I know when it’s coming so I’m better prepared but I’m a lot lot lot better.

Thank God! You didn’t deserve this. You are one of the kindest people in the Indian entertainment industry!

I have thought about this when I was very sick. I did ask this question a lot why me…why me… what did I do… why me? But now I wouldn’t have it any other way and I can’t be more honest about this. So I wouldn’t have it any other way because I’m proud of my resilience.

As you should be!

I’ve never ever said I’m proud of myself in my life. I’ve always been uncomfortable with compliments… always insecure… I was filled with self-doubt, filled with insecurities. For me to be able to stand here today and tell you that I am proud of myself it has taken a lot a lot to get here and I don’t think that I would have been able to get here without everything that life threw at me.

Have the blows of life made you stronger?

I have seen people around say that when you go through hardships you become bitter and cynical. But I think honestly the opposite is true at least for me. Sometimes you can evolve through life’s blows and you can evolve quicker than you would ever have with just like successes and an easy life. I think because of the number of blows, I am actually a lot calmer and sorted. I don’t easily stress anymore I never thought that this day would come.

Well, it has come and you should be proud of the new power-packed version of yourself!

Even before release, I was actually pretty calm and that’s usually not my personality. I kind of freak out about every single thing and freak out about the response and I go looking for the negativity. But this time I sense a lot of calm and a lot of change in me every day these days. I am quite surprised by myself and I think that has to do with life’s experiences.

With time experience and hurt comes the maturity and healing.

It has to do with growing up and maturing and understanding that everything is not in your control and you do your best with what life throws at you. I seek inspiration from people all around me I’m surrounded by wonderful wonderful people who inspire me every single day. I’m really happy to be on set with such talented filmmakers and talented co-stars so I think I’m in a very good phase in life I’m genuinely very happy and I’m I feel blessed to have the opportunity to live every day to the fullest and I think that I might not have been so grateful for an ordinary day before. But now I am!

Your onscreen kinship with your screen daughter Kashvi Majmundar is the best, most unfussy mother-child bonding! Do you miss being a mother?

I don’t think it’s too late. I still have dreams of being a mother and yeah of course I would love to be a mother. I actually treated Kashvi like an adult, like an equal and I think that we didn’t do any kind of child talk. She’s a very very smart girl. I think she’s almost like a child prodigy. I haven’t seen such talent the kind of talent that she displayed crying on cue ….unbelievable talent unbelievable empathy! She was able to understand what we were trying to tell her, she was able to absorb …she was so quick with it I think she’s the best part of the series.