In a serendipitous commemoration of me officially reaching my L.A. equinox (a.k.a. living here for one full year), Erewhon—the official meeting spot for hippie-adjacent celebrities, wealthy teenage girls from the Palisades, and visiting onlookers startled by the sky-high grocery prices—has released the holy grail: a brand-new Kendall Jenner celebrity smoothie, clocking in at a very normal (please, read the sarcasm here) $23 for 20 ounces. (Or maybe it’s not a mere coincidence; maybe Erewhon read my Hailey Bieber smoothie diary—which is an affordable $19, may I add—and is keeping tabs on me? Honestly, better them than the NSA.)
Jenner’s smoothie features GT’s Synergy Peach Paradise Raw Kombucha and non-dairy Cocoyo Peach Nectarine Living Coconut Yogurt, making for a potent-sounding probiotic cocktail that, I’m not going to lie, I have some digestive questions about. That said, a portion of the proceeds go to Los Angeles’s Good Shepherd Shelter for mothers and children impacted by domestic violence, so on a recent Thursday, I told myself the astronomically expensive smoothie was at least partly worth the price and dove in; without further ado, here’s everything the Kendall Jenner Peaches & Cream smoothie tastes like.
Photo: Courtesy of Erewhon
Sunscreen, but like, really nice bespoke sunscreen you can only get at, funnily enough, Erewhon.
Vanilla.
Beach salt.
Waking up on a Sunday, thinking it’s Monday, starting to get dressed, then getting to go blissfully back to sleep.
The absolute freedom of driving home after swimming laps at a public pool in Texas with the windows down and the Chicks on the radio.
Vacation (conceptual.)
Vacation (literal.)
Aloe vera?
The height of summer produce season at the Minnesota State Fair.
Sulfate-free coconut shampoo.
The mystical, frequently-invoked concept of “good vibes.”
Lactose (which is weird, since the smoothie is vegan.)
Bellinis at sunset.
Mortality (and crushing yet life-affirming awareness thereof)
Dannon Light & Fit peach yogurt.
