Perhaps Pen’s trepidation with Colin isn’t entirely a bad thing.

A few years ago, I was about to walk into a meeting when someone I’d been seeing for five months — let’s call him Evan — called and said he wanted to talk.

“Sure,” I said. “Go ahead.”

“The last few months have been great,” Evan told me.

“Uh-huh,” I said. “Agreed.”

“But I’m feeling … anxious, and like … maybe we shouldn’t be physical anymore,” he said.

“Oh!” I said. “You want to break up?”

“No! I like us hanging out. I want to keep hanging out. But as friends.”

I’ll remember what happened next for a long time because I shocked myself with how swiftly and decisively I responded.

“That won’t work for me,” I heard myself say, quickly and firmly. “I’m doing really well in life right now, and hanging around you on different terms I didn’t choose will add confusion and ambiguity to my life. So, we’re good. Take care.”

He sounded shocked and a little angry.

“Wait, what? Just like that? It’s like you’re saying, ‘S–t or get off the pot.’”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I told him. “And since you already decided how it was going to go for both of us, we don’t need to talk anymore.” I told him good luck, hung up, and strutted into my meeting feeling like the baddest bitch alive.

I, dearest gentle reader, had been friend-zoned, and if you’ve ever been in this situation, you know that it doesn’t feel good.

Bridgerton’s Penelope Featherington (Nicola Coughlan) knows what I’m talking about. She has been friend-zoned by longtime pal Colin Bridgerton (Luke Newton) since they were wee teens. But now, in season three of Shondaland’s hit Netflix series based on the book series by Julia Quinn, Pen finally gets the chance to express her true feelings, and with stunning results.

We’ve gushed over how simply divine this track is, and rightfully so: It is indeed a beautiful thing to have built a firm foundation with a person you trust and then see that blossom into a romance. Another favorite Bridgerton face, Adjoa Andoh, aka Lady Danbury herself, knows this firsthand: She and her husband were pals first before becoming a couple too. Likewise, the lucky couple who were recently granted a full Bridgerton wedding, Tiffany Rae and Shanti Hinton, had a similar blossoming of their relationship. “I definitely think that having a friendship before getting into a relationship is important,” Rae told Shondaland, “because that friendship will uphold forever — no matter the issues or traumas or challenges, you have that friendship always to go back to. And it makes the relationship fun! Like, we party together — everybody knows if you invite me somewhere, she gotta come!”

NETFLIX
Luke Newton as Colin Bridgerton and Nicola Coughlan as Penelope Featherington in Bridgerton season three.

Yet this course can also be loaded with potential pitfalls — because once that line is crossed, it can be very, very hard to uncross.

Penelope has long pined for Colin, of course, and we love to see her going from wallflower to full bloom, taking up space as she deserves to. But as we see in the first batch of episodes, Penelope is right to be cautious and maybe even a bit skeptical of Colin, a formerly sensitive soul who has seemingly become a textbook playboy with an intense swagger after his time abroad. And when it comes to his newfound interest in intimacy … well, you’ve seen the episodes. Mon Dieu!

Therefore, as much as we want to see Penelope get the kisses she’s dreamed of from her dream man, her trepidation with “Sexy Pirate” Colin speaks to what we all know intuitively — that there’s always the chance the person who’s moved you out of the friend zone can put you back in it.

Indeed, after Penelope and Colin finally, ahem, connect in the back of that carriage, the sheer elation — from both Pen and Colin and, yes, us fans — is beyond palpable. Polin! Together! Finally! But even after Colin announces his intention to propose to Penelope, we (and Pen) would be remiss to not listen to that tiny voice in the back of our heads that reminds us to proceed with caution. To remember that the slope out of the friend zone is a slippery one and that nobody should have the power to shuffle you back and forth between categories in their life like that. It’s cruel. Showrunner Jess Brownell knows that; it’s why, in her interview with Shondaland about what to expect in season three, she said that as fun and playful as the friends-to-lovers trope was to watch over the course of seasons one and two, Polin’s will-they-or-won’t-they arc had to reach some resolution.

Fans of the book know how the Polin storyline ends, but in the second half of the TV series’ season, which arrives Thursday, June 13, we see how their journey plays out on-screen. Penelope, our dedicated Lady Whistledown, has displayed a great deal of courage in going for what she wants, and a lot of resolve too as a fearless writer who, given her position as a woman in society, uses her wiles and her wits to find a degree of power. Pen is a successful entrepreneur with a thriving career, and despite its particular pitfalls, her work gives her an outlet for her passions and loads of independence.

That’s all well and good, but we have to wonder: What will Colin think if and when he finds out his betrothed is a gossip columnist who has wreaked havoc on the members of the ton and even Colin himself? It’s a fair question, but more important, to this writer at least, is that while Pen deserves the love she’s so longed for, it shouldn’t come at the expense of what she’s built for herself. After all, what has always endeared Pen to Colin as a friend and confidante are many of the things that Pen displays in Lady Whistledown’s writing: intelligence, humor, and keen powers of observation. So why should any of that move to the wayside if and when their friendship becomes more? Moving out of the friend zone can be a wonderful development, but not if it means sacrificing who you are — and not if it means altering yourself to fit in someone else’s life.

That’s a lesson anybody who’s been in a similar situation should heed, and one I hope all Bridgerton viewers in the marriage mart will take away. You’ve got to stand up for yourself and know that if some Evan tries to friend-zone you, you have the power to decline and be a good friend to the person whose love matters most: yourself.