When I got the call up to be the intimacy coach for the House of the Dragon sex scenes in the winter of 2020, it was definitely a surprise. I had never even watched Game of Thrones, but I knew all about its reputation, so of course I said yes. At the time, the U.K. was in lockdown, so I watched all eight seasons of the original series in a matter of weeks.

Working as an intimacy coach was certainly not where I expected to be when I was growing up. From a young age, all ever wanted to do was to be an actor or work in the entertainment industry. Nothing makes me feel happier, more inspired or piques my interest as much as acting. I’m fascinated with the process of it.

While growing up in Melbourne, I always enjoyed stories and literature. For a while I thought I wanted to be a journalist and got a place studying the subject at Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. However, I soon realized that a career in journalism wasn’t quite right for me. At the same time, I got involved with the theater and instantly adored it.

I did some stage work in Australia before coming to the U.K. in my early 20s, keeping myself financially afloat by working in bookshops and doing as much acting work as I could. I was performing at the Old Vic theater in London when my agent suggested I try some screen work.

My first time on a television set was in my mid twenties in a U.K. children’s TV drama. It was an incredibly unique experience which involved a very different acting technique, but I loved it. I started being put up for more and more auditions and transitioned into doing mainly screen work.

Then, in 2010, I decided to do an MA in acting coaching. It was the best thing I could have done, because I had already been asked to do some teaching, but was training students based only on my own experience. My course allowed me to take a more pedagogical approach to coaching.

Becoming a professional intimacy coordinator

After qualifying as an acting coach, I was directing a Sam Shepard play in 2015 that involved content of a sexual nature. My cast was younger and it was just so difficult to figure out how to approach those scenes without it being humiliating, embarrassing or just long-winded. I decided to train in intimacy coordination.

I trained assuming I would do a small amount of coaching alongside acting, at the time nobody really knew much about what the role was. Up until a few years ago, I believe there was a lot of confusion about intimacy coordinators and it felt you had to battle your way into the system a bit.

For example, other heads of departments would ask: “Why is this woman here?” You were having to liaise with costume and make up teams, who were not used to that. But I believe they were also quite grateful, because in the past, during intimate scenes, it was usually costume and make-up taking care of the actress or actor if they were nude, which is crazy.

When I got the call up to be the intimacy coach for the House of the Dragon sex scenes in the winter of 2020, it was definitely a surprise. I had never even watched Game of Thrones, but I knew all about its reputation, so of course I said yes. At the time, the U.K. was in lockdown, so I watched all eight seasons of the original series in a matter of weeks.

Working as an intimacy coach was certainly not where I expected to be when I was growing up. From a young age, all ever wanted to do was to be an actor or work in the entertainment industry. Nothing makes me feel happier, more inspired or piques my interest as much as acting. I’m fascinated with the process of it.

While growing up in Melbourne, I always enjoyed stories and literature. For a while I thought I wanted to be a journalist and got a place studying the subject at Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. However, I soon realized that a career in journalism wasn’t quite right for me. At the same time, I got involved with the theater and instantly adored it.

I did some stage work in Australia before coming to the U.K. in my early 20s, keeping myself financially afloat by working in bookshops and doing as much acting work as I could. I was performing at the Old Vic theater in London when my agent suggested I try some screen work.

Actress Milly Alcock as Rhaenyra Targaryen in the HBO fantasy “House of the Dragon”. Actress and intimacy coordinator Miriam Lucia HBO/ANTOINETTE HASELHORST
My first time on a television set was in my mid twenties in a U.K. children’s TV drama. It was an incredibly unique experience which involved a very different acting technique, but I loved it. I started being put up for more and more auditions and transitioned into doing mainly screen work.

Then, in 2010, I decided to do an MA in acting coaching. It was the best thing I could have done, because I had already been asked to do some teaching, but was training students based only on my own experience. My course allowed me to take a more pedagogical approach to coaching.

Becoming a professional intimacy coordinator

After qualifying as an acting coach, I was directing a Sam Shepard play in 2015 that involved content of a sexual nature. My cast was younger and it was just so difficult to figure out how to approach those scenes without it being humiliating, embarrassing or just long-winded. I decided to train in intimacy coordination.

I trained assuming I would do a small amount of coaching alongside acting, at the time nobody really knew much about what the role was. Up until a few years ago, I believe there was a lot of confusion about intimacy coordinators and it felt you had to battle your way into the system a bit.

For example, other heads of departments would ask: “Why is this woman here?” You were having to liaise with costume and make up teams, who were not used to that. But I believe they were also quite grateful, because in the past, during intimate scenes, it was usually costume and make-up taking care of the actress or actor if they were nude, which is crazy.

Then in 2017, when the MeToo movement took off, most people in the industry started to feel that we really needed to have something in place to protect actors during scenes of a sexual or intimate nature. Now, on many sets it is absolutely mandatory to have an intimacy coordinator.

One of my first full professional projects was working on the 2019 film Blue Story. It was a lower budget independent film, but a really important one. It included some pretty out there sex scenes with some really young actors. I got the sense nobody really knew what I was doing there, so I sort of had to establish what my role was.

What does an intimacy coordinator do?

On a typical project, I receive the script and identify any scenes I need to be involved in. Then, the communication between myself and the director starts, so I know exactly what they are expecting. I find out everything from the tone of the scene to what the level of nudity will be.

I have a conversation with the actors individually to make sure they know what is expected of them on set. So often while trying to get a role, actors just say: “Yes, that’s fine” when they’re asked about sex scenes. Sometimes they don’t really process that they are going to happen, so you need to have a clear conversation about that.

There may be some questions or concerns, which I take back to the director, then there’s another discussion prior to rehearsal and then the rehearsal itself, which normally takes place on the day of the scene. I’m involved in the positioning and choreography of the actors during the shoot.

Miriam Lucia is an actress, acting coach and intimacy coordinator who lives in London. She is the founder of The Clerkenwell Actors Studio providing ongoing training for professional actors. ANTOINETTE HASELHORST/MIRIAM LUCIA
Sex scenes are all discussed and I think that is the biggest change. They used to be avoided and I think directors would be awkward and say: “Okay just work it out, we’ll just film around you,” which is just terrible, because it mean actors may perform the scene in the same way they would if they were having sex in real life, rather than trying to channel the character. They should never feel they have to disclose their own intimate sexual behavior.

Before, I think actors didn’t feel confident or relaxed enough to think about how their character would have sex; they just thought: “Okay lets just do it and get it over with.”

Filming is often done with a closed set, so a crew of 80 may be reduced to 12. If a woman is involved in the scene, directors might try to include more female members within the crew. While shooting, I’m usually sitting with the director or script supervisor. By this point everything should be seamless, because all the work has been done.

I make it clear to the actors before filming that if they need a break for whatever reason they can call for it, but equally I will suggest one if someone looks in need of a short interval. If I notice something we had agreed not to show before filming, for instance nipples, I would have a word with the script supervisor and make sure that take is not used.

Working on House of the Dragon

Miriam has worked on Emerald Fennell’s upcoming film Saltburn and the second season of HBO’s The White Lotus ANTOINETTE HASELHORST/MIRIAM LUCIA
I think it’s helpful that I wasn’t originally familiar with House of Dragon, because I went in with very fresh eyes, but it was still very daunting—Game of Thrones is one of the biggest shows on earth. The set for House of the Dragon was like its own little world; it was incredible stepping into that.

I was nervous about how it would work on set, but from the start I was part of the team. It also felt like any sexual scenes or nudity was part of the story and were only performed if necessary to the plot.

I worked on the set for almost a year and the entire cast was amazing. I got on with everyone really well. It helped that certain actors, like Matt Smith, had worked with intimacy coordinators before, so knew exactly what my role was. He was also very, very respectful of the actors he was working with, who had perhaps never been in scenes like that before, which was so crucial.

It was also really interesting to establish a rapport with older actors who may not have done sex scenes before, but had found themselves on a show where that is called for, so you were trying to put them at ease.

Milly Alcock and Matt Smith as Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen and Prince Daemon Targaryen in “House of the Dragon,” OLLIE UPTON/HBO
I think because of MeToo, a lot of actors and actresses are nervous about doing sex scenes in general, so for me it’s all about normalizing it. On House of the Dragon, the stakes are so high and the production levels are extraordinary, so you just want to make sure it’s the best work possible.

On September 13, I saw that Emily Carey, a young actress who plays Alicent Hightower in the series, said performing a sex scene with a much older actor made her feel nervous, but she was reassured by my presence on set.

How encouraging is it to see such acknowledgement and positive feedback on the role of the intimacy coordinator on a show of this scale. I believe it could also make a huge difference for older, more established actors and actresses to hear these comments, particularly those who have not previously worked with an intimacy coordinator or understand clearly what the role is. I want people to understand that this is not a hindrance, it enables the creative process.

Certain scenes in the show, for example one where the character King Viserys allows a fatal cesarean section to be performed on his wife, played by Sian Brooke, while she is still conscious, received a very strong reaction because of how extreme it was.

But, I can honestly say that those types of scenes were handled really beautifully throughout the series. During that shoot, I think Sian felt completely at ease and in control of how that scene went. It was graphic and it was harrowing, but it was incredibly powerful.

The show has certainly had less sexual scenes than it’s predecessor so far, which I think is a really interesting way of starting off the series. I think Game of Thrones has a reputation which the showrunners were sensitive about. I believe viewers won’t be disappointed by the volume of sex in coming episodes, but it’s always character driven.

Other A-list projects

Miriam Lucia on the set of season two of The White Lotus with Simona Tabasco and Beatrice Grannó. MIRIAM LUCIA
One of my favorite scenes to film was while working on the 2020 series Industry. It was pre-COVID and set in a nightclub. There was lots of laughter, silliness and dancing. We were directing a sex scene set in a toilet, which had been built in the studio, and you just thought: “What is my job? This is bonkers.”

I recently completed work on Saltburn with Emerald Fennell, who is a genius, and the second season of The White Lotus. The former was one of my all time favorite projects; there’s something very special about working on a film because you’re part of a journey and there is a finite amount of time, so you really feel part of the team.

I’m incredibly lucky I still do acting, coaching and intimacy coordinating. Sometimes, I am even fortunate enough to do all three at once. I believe that they’re all connected. For me, it’s all about figuring out how different actors approach and process their work and how we are going to navigate this territory together.

Miriam Lucia is an actress, acting coach and intimacy coordinator who lives in London. She is the founder of The Clerkenwell Actors Studio providing ongoing training for professional actors.